Forgiveness isn't a head game, it's not mental assent. And forgiveness isn't a contractual agreement: If you ask me, I will forgive you.
Forgiveness is a matter of the heart.
Let's say I was sexually abused by someone. It may take me a while, but forgiveness is usually progressive. And I don't forgive for the other person. I forgive for me. I want to be free. I want to cut any bond that might connect me to that person or event, spiritually, emotionally/mentally, and physically.
With my forgiveness, they and the trama become God's problem, not mine. But if I don't forgive, the trama remains, however fading in the distance. Unforgiveness is where we become very clever with our brokenness. Everything from split personalities, to total emotional shut-down, to acholism, drugs, personality disorders and the list goes on, and that's just the emotional/mental end. The ways we deal with brokenness is endless. Walking away may be the best thing we ever do, but it doesn't heal the underlying suffering.
But we can learn to let go. When or as we forgive, the healing can begin. My healing is why I choose to forgive, even if it takes a thousand times a day. So don't get locked into a contractual agreement, or an all or nothing mindset. The healing process can lead us to forgiveness too, as we cut the spiritual trama in our bodies. So don't wait around for the stars to aline. Break that spiritual cord as it surfaces. The longer it festers the deeper it goes into us.
This is where some of the latest data, and things like Yoga, and Tai Chi teach us, that trama can lodge in our bodies, and muscles and make us sick. I think it can lodge in our cells and even turn on cancer, but the studies haven't gotten that far yet.
Healing and release go hand in hand in the process of forgiveness.
If it isn't dealt with, our brokenness and trama can be passed on to our children, as well as to other's around us. We might even be dealing with what has been passed on to us. In cultures that don't practice forgiveness like Muslim cultures, you are honor bound to carry on the pain of preceding generations. They're still fighting the Crusades, among other things.
This is a little sketch of things I've learned. As I've alluded to before, things like Cognitive Therapy can really lay out the problem and help us, but if we don't focus on what makes us better, we can spend a lifetime rummaging through the labyrinth of our soul.
I adhere to a wholistic approach to forgiveness and healing, to use as many helpful tools as we can find, spiritually, emotionally/mentally, and physically. It's one reason among many why I do Tai Chi, meditate etc. Good counselors, pastors, spiritual directors, group support, etc.
I'll be adding to this:
Positive Psychology: http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/
Stanford Forgiveness Project: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hSGfMVRVWZw
Forgiveness is a matter of the heart.
Let's say I was sexually abused by someone. It may take me a while, but forgiveness is usually progressive. And I don't forgive for the other person. I forgive for me. I want to be free. I want to cut any bond that might connect me to that person or event, spiritually, emotionally/mentally, and physically.
With my forgiveness, they and the trama become God's problem, not mine. But if I don't forgive, the trama remains, however fading in the distance. Unforgiveness is where we become very clever with our brokenness. Everything from split personalities, to total emotional shut-down, to acholism, drugs, personality disorders and the list goes on, and that's just the emotional/mental end. The ways we deal with brokenness is endless. Walking away may be the best thing we ever do, but it doesn't heal the underlying suffering.
But we can learn to let go. When or as we forgive, the healing can begin. My healing is why I choose to forgive, even if it takes a thousand times a day. So don't get locked into a contractual agreement, or an all or nothing mindset. The healing process can lead us to forgiveness too, as we cut the spiritual trama in our bodies. So don't wait around for the stars to aline. Break that spiritual cord as it surfaces. The longer it festers the deeper it goes into us.
This is where some of the latest data, and things like Yoga, and Tai Chi teach us, that trama can lodge in our bodies, and muscles and make us sick. I think it can lodge in our cells and even turn on cancer, but the studies haven't gotten that far yet.
Healing and release go hand in hand in the process of forgiveness.
If it isn't dealt with, our brokenness and trama can be passed on to our children, as well as to other's around us. We might even be dealing with what has been passed on to us. In cultures that don't practice forgiveness like Muslim cultures, you are honor bound to carry on the pain of preceding generations. They're still fighting the Crusades, among other things.
This is a little sketch of things I've learned. As I've alluded to before, things like Cognitive Therapy can really lay out the problem and help us, but if we don't focus on what makes us better, we can spend a lifetime rummaging through the labyrinth of our soul.
I adhere to a wholistic approach to forgiveness and healing, to use as many helpful tools as we can find, spiritually, emotionally/mentally, and physically. It's one reason among many why I do Tai Chi, meditate etc. Good counselors, pastors, spiritual directors, group support, etc.
I'll be adding to this:
Positive Psychology: http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/
Stanford Forgiveness Project: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hSGfMVRVWZw
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